King Nicholas and the Copeman Empire: the caravan monarch

elcome to the King Nicholas and the Copeman Empire website - official online residence of 'England's other monarch', Nick Copeman. Here you will find news of His Majesty's book, State Engagements, 'charity work', his passion for Zara Phillips and much, much more.

TASTY STAMPS

It is with great pleasure that I announce the launch of the first Copeman Empire stamps, created by esteemed philatelists Mark Valentine and Colin Langeveld. 300 have been printed - with perforations and everything - so if you'd like one, email me your address and I'll send you a postcard using one*. I'm not sure whether UK Royal Mail will accept CE stamps as payment, so don't blame me if you have to pay on delivery, or if it doesn't turn up at all.

The thing Andrew is most impressed with is the taste. He says the gum they've used is much nicer than Royal Mail's.

*While stocks last and I can still be bothered.

STOP PRESS. I HAVE NOW RUN OUT OF STAMPS.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Here's the second installment of King Nicholas and the Copeman Empire on YouTube, which Matthew Curtis says is the best thing he's seen since Eldorado.

Andrew reckons I've sold out by having an advert on the end, but that certainly didn't stop him joining me for a delicious Bigham's Beef Wellington I bought with the proceeds.

DAYTIME TELEVISION

If like me you're killing time between Jeremy Kyle and Bargain Hunt, have a cuppa and a jammie dodger and check out this short film - Behind the Scenes at Copeman Palace...

THE HOLY GRAIL OF POSH READY MEALS?

If you've been reading this blog for a bit, you'll probably know of my tireless pursuit of high-end ready meals. Well, I was in Waitrose the other day (always a treat in itself), when I discovered a new line of products called Bigham's Private Dining. What particularly caught my eye was a packet of two parmesan crusted chicken breasts with a sunblush tomato, garlic and oregano butter filling.

For 6 quid 50.

Naturally I'm thinking, how can they charge that much for two bits of stuffed chicken... surely they can't be that good? Well I had to forfeit most of the essentials on my shopping list in order to buy them, but I did, and I'm pleased to report they were a stonking success.

Now obviously one can't feast on this kind of nosh every night, unless you have a Premiership footballer's wage coming in, but, for those special occassions when one is cooking to impress, these totally kick the ass of Tesco's kievs.

I sent an email to Bigham's customer services department telling them how pleased I was with the meal, that I'd be making them 'By Royal Appointment', and how about they send me over a few freebies to celebrate?

Got a very nice response back from a chap called Edward Lynton-Harley (even their names sound bloody expensive) thanking me very much for the honour and saying that, while they couldn't send me any complimentary products, he did recommend I also try their Beef Wellington, which was apparently a finalist at the 2006 SuperMeat Awards and also the Meat Awards 2005 in the lamb category.

Well, I won't be able to afford one for a few weeks yet, but it'll certainly be top of the shopping list should I ever have the pleasure of cooking a romantic meal for Zara.

ARISE SIR JEREMY!

OK, so it's a few weeks late, but here at last is the Copeman Empire 2007 New Years Honours List.

Like most years, it's a mixture of big names and local heroes, and if you think you or someone you know has been overlooked, be sure to drop me an email, and I'll see what I can do.

But in the meantime, here are the great and the good of 2007, as voted for by me, and for once without any money having changed hands...

Sir Jeremy Kyle KCE, for Services to Daytime Television; Neil Diamond CCE, for Services to Music; Julian Fellowes CCE, for Services to Entertainment; Barry Scott CCE, for Services to Household Cleaning;

Marc Ollosson OCE (previously MCE) for Services to Sheringham; Jonathan Wilkes OCE, for Services to Entertainment; Pablo Dimoglou MCE, for Services to the Royal Household; Dr Karl Kennedy MCE, for Services to Medicine.

The next round of honours will be on July 6th, my official birthday.