King Nicholas and the Copeman Empire: the caravan monarch

COPEMAN PALACE MEETS ASTON HALL

A magnificent stately home, I'm sure you'll agree... just a shame about the building in the background spoiling the view. (© Baby Face Crap Jokes).

I had a lovely day at Aston Hall, where I was made very welcome by Nick Ralls and his staff, many of whom bowed as I made a tour of the hall. As a VIP visitor, I was allowed beyond many of the red cordons and I even got a quick sit on Queen Victoria's throne, on condition that I didn't tell anyone about it.

I did record a short video clip from outside the hall, just after arriving, using Andrew's phone, but I wouldn't bother trying to open it... when I did, it spent almost an hour downloading some software, then performed an illegal operation, and crashed.

LORD AND LADY WHOOFER

What would you do if you were invited to meet a stranger armed with a gun, in the middle of the night, in a big, spooky forest, miles from anywhere, where mobile phones don't work, in a pub that isn't a real pub, but is actually his own private pub, that he built himself, just for entertaining guests, of which you are to be an extra special one?

Well, I said yes.

Or, rather, I said yes, until I telephoned Mumsy to say I'd said yes, and she told me to call him straight back and say no.

But the next day, after staying the night at a proper campsite, with proper mobile phone reception, I decided to meet up with him. And I shouldn't have worried at all.

Lady Whoofer

Russ, and his wife Bev, live on a secluded farm just outside Gainsborough. They'd heard about my jaunt up to Edinburgh through the Mailing List and, as they live en route from Sheringham, emailed to say I was welcome to park the Palace up in their field, should I need somewhere to stay.

I'm glad I went round in daylight though. Russ said that when he'd heard I might be coming round the night before, he'd got his search light ready and wheeled his PA system outside to play Land of Hope and Glory at me, full blast.

As it was, I really enjoyed my visit. And quite why two people as good fun as Russ and Bev should chose to live miles from anyone else is beyond me.

King Nicholas Deed Polls

These days, people rarely step into the unknown at all, for fear of meeting a nutter who might carve them into little bits, and slowly post them - piece by piece - back to their next of kin. But, by doing so, you also risk not meeting great people like Bev and Russ, who I'd never have met at all, had it not been for a chain of chance outcomes that led me to their door, in a forest, in the middle of nowhere.

And quite why I keep calling them Russ and Bev, I don't know. In a further twist, it turned out they'd already changed their names by deed poll on this website, to the Lord and Lady Whoofer.

BRUSH WITH ROYALTY

The visit to Edinburgh didn't get off to the best start, when we pulled up in the carpark outside the Palace of Holyroodhouse, only to be moved on by Palace Security. Apparently the Duke of Edinburgh was in residence, and didn't fancy my palace being parked up next to his - perhaps he thought it might show him up, or something. After all, we were open for tea and cucumber sandwiches, whereas he was firmly closed to visitors.

But with the help of the Royal Parks Officer, we were granted a pleasant spot on the edge of the Queen's Estate, where we got a good stream of visitors throughout the day.

King Nicholas in Edinburgh

The highlight came at around 4pm, when an old lady popped in for tea (she said we were even cheaper than Morrisons) and, in passing, said that she preffered me to Prince Harry, and that I'd make a better back up, if anything should happen to William. I was so touched that I created her a Dame on the spot, and didn't even charge the usual five pound admin fee.

It rained quite heavily last night, so I'm planning a royal walkabout on the Royal Mile later today, just to check the Fringe performers are OK, and to generally help keep morale up.

ROYAL TOUR

After several false starts (quite literally - the 'new caravan' Baby Face bought was a heap of junk), we are now ready to embark on our Royal Tour of the United Kingdom.

In the end we had to scrap Baby Face's van all together, and fork out another 500 quid for something that was actually roadworthy - a snazzy Eldiss GT, which we'll be towing behind my dad's old Volvo 940.

We'll be stopping off tonight in Leeds, before continuing up to Edinburgh, where Baby Face reckons we'll find loads of tourists in town for the festival, who'll hopefully fork out the two pound entry fee to the Palace, and maybe even stump up a fiver for a knighthood or damehood.

Then we'll be going south, stopping off in York to visit Lord and Lady Whoofer (real names, so they tell me), who recently joined the mailing list and have offered to lay on a feast for us, to keep our energy levels up.

Right, got to go - Baby Face is warming up the engine. Photos from our exploits will follow soon...