CHRISTMAS CANCELLED?
Dear Majesty,A year or more ago perhaps longer, you granted me the title of Lord Runton. The title came with a small piece of land in your vegetable patch. My friend renowned author G.P.Taylor was given by you the title of Lord Northstead.
You may have made a small note of the titles you gave us on an the back of an old Sainsburys receipt. This may have been thrown out with discarded ready meal packages and so you may not recall either of us.
To get to the point I would ask you to use whatever Royal Powers you have and save Christmas!!!!
Our home town of Scarborough after much deliberation amongst its local Police, Fire Brigade and Council Officials have decided that turning on the Christmas lights is too dangerous.
The crowds coming to watch the Official turn on (by a Coronation Street star, the ginger one called Fiz or something) would be too large. Insurance would be too costly and safety barriers and stewards would be unable to cope. They have therefore decided to cancel the official turning on event and turn them on secretly when nobody is looking.
In the past the celebreties to turn on the lights have been Wolf from Gladiators, somebody Dingle from Emmerdale Farm and Les Battersby from Coronation Street. Kirk was last year!
The crowds far from getting hysterical and out of control remained calm though excited, there was no need for mounted Police or water canons.
We could end up being the only town in England without an official turning on of lights.
Does Sheringham become uninsurable and uncontrolable?
Yours,
Lord Paul West of Runton